Monday, February 25, 2013
07Feb2013 - the most sickening day of my 29 years of existence. I was so freakin’ tired at work. I was just literally staring at the computer monitor and the words are just turning into garbled mash of letters and the grids on the excel file are transforming into steel bars on a jail cell - or chicken mesh from a coup. i actually had the time to think - so this is how a chicken sees the world from inside his coup… trapped with the knowledge that anytime, his life would end so soon to feed hundreds of hungry people in McDonalds or KFC.
We were so tired that we decided to eat breakfast at Jollibee and at one point, my officemate Jho and the cashier were talking at the same time and i had to ask them to stop talking because i just couldn’t understand everything that was going on!
i took the jeep home alone and i feel like a child who fell from his bike and wants to run to his mother para umiyak at magsumbong. I just took out my phone and instinctively texted my boyfriend Toni. all i could ever say was:
“Im so tired today. I wish i could just stare in your eyes and slip my fingers inside your hand and i know i will be alright.”
Later in the afternoon while i was sleeping, he replied:
“I know you will be. Hang in there hon.”
When i saw those words, my eyes just almost welled up. I did not expect them to come from him - knowing that he’s not a really sweet guy. I am overwhelmed with so much love that i could not describe what it is that i felt. i was encouraged. empowered and motivated that it got me through the last work day of the week.
He’s not perfect. In fact, there are a lot of things that i have to accept and compromise just so i could make this relationship work. But i think its all worth it. i love he surprises me most of the time - calling just to sing his favorite Billy idol song; when we are talking about something totally different and then he’ll just say “I love you” out of the blue. but the most endearing thing he ever said to me was, “I knew from the start you were different. I trust you with my heart.”
I really miss him. this distance, the timezones = its all driving me crazy! If only there’s a button that i could push and it will take me to his side and vice versa, i would have definitely raped that button. hahaha… and the sad part there is, there’s really nothing that you can do to ease that longing feeling you feel because he’s on the other side of the world.
why do i have to fall in love with someone so far away? Sabi nila, pag iniyakan mo na daw ang isang tao, this is the real deal. Well, i think tama sila. hindi ko lang iniyakan - humagulgol pa ako because i’m really scared of loosing him. he’s my living proof that miracles do come true. He is my miracle. and i’m glad that i got the reassurance from him that he will be there and that he loves and needs and wants me to be in his life. i must have done something good to deserve him.
“Hang in there Hon…”
I’ll definitely will. And i’ll patiently wait for the day that i can hold you in my arms once again.